Growing.

There comes a point in each of our lives where pain becomes necessary in order to grow. We are stretched past what we feel we can handle. We are tried, tested and often left feeling lost and alone. I promise that though the storms may feel as if they'll never stop; as we cleave to our faith and what we know, we will see a break in the storm. Keep moving forward.

Love always,

K

Burdens.

             The last few days have been full of ups and downs. I have really struggled, and for the first time since I decided to leave Utah, cried myself to sleep (multiple times). I have felt so alone, and so helpless. I didn't feel like doing anything, but forced myself to go to family activities. Finally, saturday night I got down on my knees and asked for help. I asked for my father in heaven to direct me to friends that might be a source of light during this difficult time. I woke up Sunday feeling normal. I did the usual pre-church stuff; showered, ate breakfast and headed to church. I set by myself and was immediately surrounded by friends, and this seemed to be the case the rest of the day. People were coming up and introducing themselves ( even though I had come the week before ) and instant connections were made. In Relief Society a scripture was read:

" And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord," Mosiah 24:15. 

            My eyes began to water and tears began to fall. My Father in Heaven was aware of me, he knew the pain I was feeling, and he was answering my prayers. Heavenly Father will not take away my trials, he won't find employment for my parents, take away addictions from those I love or heal my broken heart. I know however that he will make my burdens light. I am beyond grateful for this gospel. I am grateful for a loving Savior who loves and cares for me so much.
            I stumble and seem to have to restart over and over again, but I know because of his atoning sacrifice I can find comfort and I will live with him again. I have learned that we need to be grateful for our trials, because of them we grow. I am grateful for my trials. They are what led me to this new adventure. Everyday I am able to see and be reassured that this is where I am suppose to be. The gospel is true, the savior lives and loves us. If we take time to step away from this crazy world, listen and reflect we will see his hand in our lives. Turn to him. The answer to my prayer was not completely obvious. I didn't think anything of it when various people were introducing themselves to me. However, as Mosiah 24:15 was read and I allowed the spirit to teach me, I knew without a doubt that these people were sent into my life to ease my burdens. I truly live in paradise. This is where i'm meant to be.

Love always,

K

Moving forward.

The atonement is amazing. It is something those who are hurting can use for peace and comfort. Can you imagine a life without constant awareness of our saviors love? He atoned for each one of us, he atoned for our sins, but also our heartache. He lives. He is the true source of peace and happiness. Turn to him and allow him to take over. It's a start of a new week, a time to reflect. A time to move forward, and that's what I plan on doing,. Whatever is holding you back, give it to him. Whether it be sin or heartache, fall to your knees and allow him to  help you. The atonement gives us the opprutuibity to not have to do this alone. I know our savior lives. The atonement is an amazing gift. It is an opprutuibity to start fresh and move forward. Trust him. Have faith. Hang on.

Love always,

K

Try me!

This life seems to be full of surprises. Just as soon as something seems to be going right we are tried and tested. I will never understand why we are allowed to love someone so deeply, to just as quickly watch them walk away. We are often left with so many unanswered questions. We are hurt. We break. We fall. " when life puts you in tough situations, don't say why me, just say try me." I took a risk allowing the past to come in to the present. I put my heart on the line. Things we great. Wounds healing. Just as fast as it began to go up, it quickly came down. This life is a test. A test where answers will not be given. It is up to us and how we handle our test that will determine our score, or our destiny so to speak. I am so confused and my heart aches. There is a reason I came out to paradise, a reason that it feels like home. I am determined to find it. I will not let this test define me.

Love always,

K

Becoming home.

For those of you who know me, know that I am a home body. I was born and raised in Utah. 22 almost 23 years of my life were spent in the same home, same city. Never in a million years did I ever think I could call anywhere else home. Each day I am falling more in love with this beautiful city. Today as I got my butt kicked at the Y, jammed to kids bop with the fam, watched C get on the bus and laid on my bed Pinteresting with L, I realized this is home. Today I was completely happy. Can't believe I'm here. I'm in paradise :)

Love always,

K

Goodbye mommy!

Well it finally came. I took my mom to the airport this morning. It was so hard to see her go. I was able to stay strong, and didn't cry. I know this is where I need to be. I aboalutely love it here. I've had some amazing experiences and can't wait to see where this year takes me. Time to hit the farmers market and swim swim swim! Happy Saturday everyone :)

Love always,

K

My first Monday :)

Everyday this place becomes more beautiful. This morning I spent the day watching Charlie swim at the YMCA and a trip to JAX beach. Char taught me to boogie board and I was in heaven. The lightening and rain cut our beach day short, but it was a blast. We ate at the best biscuit place ever, ( I'm addicted), and walked the boardwalk. I am in love with this area. Now time to relax before dinner and more beach. I drove in pouring rain, got to the YMCA and learned all about sky landers. Thank goodness for adventures in paradise.

Love a always,

K

Ps I promise pictures are coming. When I get time to upload them :) miss you all!!

I'm here!

Lush, hot, humid, surreal. I'm in paradise!!!!

Love always,

K

Scared out of my mind.

Well guys I made it to Alabama. I'm freaking out. Which is probably an understatement. Its finally hitting me. I drove through some of the scariest places. Wow culture shock. I am so grateful for where I've grown up. I'm grateful for the gospel. I didn't realize how l lucky I was to have access to so many temples and meeting houses. I sure miss seeing all those steeples and the temples on the mountains. Great things never come from comfort zones. No turning back now. Almost there. Miss you all :)

Love always,

K

Adapting.

So you gotta start your morning with a smile.
The room I'm staying in only has a lamp for light... So this morning my cousin was in the shower and we are trying to get out of here... I turned the flash light on, on my phone pulled out my iPad camera and straightened my hair. Yep that's right I used an iPad as a mirror and flashlight so I could see. Yay :)

Love always,

K

Day 1

Well folks I made it to Colorado! I'm posting from my phone so expect a picture overload when I find internet. Miss all of you. This is the hardest thing :(

Love always,

K

Adventure is out there!

Well folks it's here. Wish me luck :) I'll be posting from Denver tomorrow. Crazy right?

Love always,
K

Goodbyes.

Wow it's late. I figure the next few weeks will be sleepless nights. The only word that comes to mind is grateful. I am grateful for my savior and his atonement. I am grateful for amazing friends and family. I am grateful for change. I attempted to say my hardest goodbye, wow.. Four hours later and I just couldn't do it.. Wish me luck tomorrow night, when the only option I have is to leave. I am so scared, anxious and nervous. After much discussing I know that this is what needs to happen in order for things to move forward. Thank you for loving and supporting me. Change is good... Right?

The Hope of God's Light

Today satan did everything in his power to keep me from church. I had been asked to give a prayer in sacrament, and had decided that I would bare my testimony, because it was my last week. I woke up sick. I could barely get out of bed. I began to come up with a million reasons why I couldn't go to church. I finally started feeling better, when my anxiety set in. I was in tears. I planned what I was going to say to the member of the bishopric about not coming. I set there quietly for a moment, and jumped up. I was not going to let satan win. There was a reason I needed to be at church, and satan did not want me to hear what was intended for me. I got ready, got in my car and headed to church. The moment I walked into the building I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace. I did not feel sick, and my anxiety almost immediately left. Every testimony that was shared applied to me, and my situation. I met with my sweet bishop for the last time, and watched a miracle happen as he prayed. My father in heaven knew me. He loved me. He was providing me with strength. My prayers were being answered. It wasn't a clear "KENZIE DO THIS" answer, it was an answer I heard because I had faith, and had turned it all to my savior. The video above was shown to us during relief society. How fitting, humbling and amazing. I would like to add my testimony to that of Todd's from the video. The savior is there ALWAYS. We need to leave the darkness, and allow him to fill our rooms with light. He loves us. Trust him. Turn to him. When you begin to love yourself and let God love you, your life will change. We each have a purpose. We are here to be beacons of light for those around us. Remember why you are here.. Why fight so hard against something you once fought so hard for?

God needs us on his side TODAY!

Love always,

K

The Temple.

I had the opportunity to go to the Ogden Temple today. What an amazing experience. The beauty of the temple is indescribable. It is a constant reminder that, no matter how wicked the world becomes there will ALWAYS be somewhere we can go to escape it. The peace and love you feel inside is amazing. You are literally in a place where spirits, and our father in heaven dwell. How lucky are we to live in a day and age where temples are dotting the earth. I urge all of you to take time to attend the temple. If you are anything like me, you will come up with a million reasons you can't go. GO! For the hour I was there I forgot about everything. The anxiety and heartache I have been feeling for so long left. For that hour I was completely at peace. I knew I was worth something and I knew my father in heaven loved me. The temple is our heaven on earth. Why wouldn't you want to be there?

Love always,

K

I may not be there yet...

What a wild ride the last few months have been. I can't believe that Wednesday is the big day. Words, actions and agency have rocked me to the core. I have made my share of mistakes. Mistakes and words that hurt someone I loved. I have learned the only thing you can do is to do your best, and be your best each day. I definitely regret a lot that I've said, or done but it's all part of a learning progress. Choose your words wisely and love your choices. I am constantly thinking about all that I could have done differently, but I get to live with the choices. I am the decider of whether I learn and grow, or beat myself up.

Remember your heavenly loves and knows you. No matter how hard life gets he is always there. He is the one person who will be there no matter what choices we make. He truly is the only perfect person. Love all those around you despite their short comings and forgive quickly.

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

Love always,

K