So many memories.

My heart is so full and my eyes very wet. I am saying goodbye to what has become my second home. I am so excited to be back in the same state as Brody, but saying goodbye to these kiddos is not any easy task. I experienced many firsts while I was here. My first time boogie boarding, eating Indian food, etc. I have made so many wonderful memories and met so many incredible people. It's never easy saying goodbye. On to bigger and better things! So long ravenscroft lane I will definitely miss you.

Love always,
K

Oh what a Christmas..

Well he made it! I left Jacksonville at 3:30 in the morning to pick him up Tuesday. My sweet cousin and his family got us tickets to Disney World! Best way to end my stay in Florida. We took on a 10 out of 10 crowd at the Magic Kingdom in our matching Soul Mate shirts. We soon realized we are not as young as we once thought we were. We lasted until about 6:30. My ear started hurting and we were EXHAUSTED. Did I mention Brody surprised me with tickets to see my Colts play?! It has seriously been the best week ever. Brody and I spent our Christmas Eve at the beach, eating yummy food. We ended it with a nasty ear infection and brody comforting be as I sobbed because the pain was unreal. He said that if having a baby is anything like that he did not want one. No kiddos for us ;) We woke up early Christmas morning and unwrapped presents. There's a quick peek at our week. We are headed for Utah early tomorrow wish us luck.


P.S. We started our wedding site! 120 days :) Keep checking it out for more details. theknot.com/us/mackenzie-brody

The sick bug.

Well today has definitely been a world wind. I am now more fully aware of the torture my mom was put through when the BUG came to our house. I have spent my whole morning cleaning up puke. Puke all over my car, my clothes, her clothes the car seat you name it. Pretty sure the smell is burned into my sense of smell. Oh what a day.

Love always,
K

Oh, what a day.

Yesterday I definitely had a bad case of the Mondays. Aside from the amazing Florida weather, it was far from amazing. It all started when I woke up feeling like my head was going to explode. I don't know what it is about being out here, but I wake up with the worlds worst headache almost daily. I decided to push through it and go to the Y for the dreaded Jen's class. I absolutely love her, but her class KILLS ME. I hurried got ready, fed lex, got her ready and headed out. We got there to find out we were half an hour early... There was no way I could leave lex in the kid zone for two hours! I decided to just run on the treadmill and hit the first part of her class. After grabbing lex and getting in the car we were on our way to get my oil changed. FINALLY!
     I figured we'd be there about an hour, and than we'd head home... Well that hour turned into an hour and a half... We walked around, grabbed some lunch and headed back to get the car. Well, one of the mechanics came out and insisted on showing me something. Those words are NEVER good. I walked out there to see a HUGE bulge in my tire. That could only mean one thing, my tire head completely separated and was about ready to burst. Wow, I definitely had been blessed, who knows how long that was there. They told me I would need to get a new tire, possibly two. As most of you know I'm moving back to Utah and have a wedding to pay for. I was in tears. I got a feeling that I needed to call Les Schwabb, my amazing tire guys back home. I called them and they told me my tire was under warranty. They suggested I just get a used one for now, and they'd hook me up when I got home. Wow another tender mercy.
      I walked in and told the guys at the shop that's what I was going to do. Of course they didn't have a used tire so I would have to go on a wild goose hunt to find one. I called some random shop, they never called me back. I than decided out of all the other shops to call Discount Tire. I shared my story, explained I just wanted to get back to Utah and didn't have much to spend. They had one in my size!! Yippee. They told me he'd hold it, and even check me in, so as soon as I got there they could get me in ( even though they shouldn't ). The dreaded question came, how much? He paused and said with labor and the tire I will charge you... drum roll please..... 38 bucks!!!!! My Heavenly Father definitely was looking out for me. After getting on the wrong freeway I finally found it. Got my car in, and out and made it home. Things seemed to be looking up for me until I shattered a bowl everywhere.
     Oh how happy I was to finally lay my head on my pillow. After writing this crazy long post I was able to reflect on all that happened yesterday. I had every right to completely loose it. I could have been upset and just let it completely ruin my whole week. I chose not too. I believe it was a test. Every aspect of Monday tested all the patience I had. As I stayed calm, I received guidance from the Holy Ghost. I am here to testify as we take time to step away from the noise of the world we will be directed in a way fit best for us. Often times I get caught up in the moment and just react. Ask Brody. I do not do well with stress. Yesterday, for some reason I decided to find the positive in each thing thrown my way. It was simply amazing to see what my Father in Heaven did for me as I took time to listen intently. He lives. He will guide and direct us through lives difficult times. Even something as silly as finding a used tire. I hope that we can all take our Monday's and turn them into a positive experience. Remember to keep your Savior in your life each day. It's amazing how your day will be positively affected.

Love always,
K

Love at first like.

In honor of my Prince Charming leaving for Florida in a week, I decided to dedicate today's post to how we met.

Brody and I grew up in the same town. We went to the same junior high, and even had the same friends. However, Brody was the shy guy and I was the outgoing girl that seemed to be all over the place. In eighth grade I became the wrestling manager. My best friend and I would travel to all the games and talk to all the boys. As an eighth grader it was A DREAM, minus the stench. I remember my best friend Ellise sitting by this scrawny looking boy on the bus. Who was this kid? I ended up noticing him a lot more after that. Brody likes to say I had no idea who he was, but I did. We never exchanged any words. High school went by and somehow we became friends on Facebook. I knew that he had or had, had a girlfriend. As time went on however, I noticed his profile picture was lacking a lady next to him. SCORE!!!!!! I decided to give his page a little look over, just wanted to make sure he wasn't a weirdo. That's when I got carried away. I started liking EVERYTHING. I was to much of a chicken to actually message him so I figured maybe he'd get the hint that I wanted to talk, or he would think I was a creeper. Now that was all fun and games and seems pretty exciting right? I was at a place in my life where I just felt stuck. I knew I wasn't suppose to go on a mission. I was already enrolled in school and working full time, yet something was missing. I got down on my knees that night and prayed to my Father in Heaven to just place him in my life. We didn't need to get married right away, but I just wanted to know he existed. I ended my prayer hoped into bed and decided to check my Facebook. HE MESSAGED ME!! Literally, right after I had gotten off my knees. Call it a coincidence, I call it an answer.... Long story short, he invited me to a game night. I slyly gave him my number, and we went from Facebook messaging to texting. I drove to the game night, with Miley Cyrus blasting. I was on cloud nine. He stepped out of his car, and I knew my whole world had just changed.

Here I am now, over a year later engaged to my very best friend. It was love at first like :)

Love always,
K

Getting... Or Giving?

     Last week I was completely blown away by the Christmas Devotional put on by the First Presidency. It was so humbling and the spirit that instantly filled our home was unreal. The talk that hit me the most was one by Bonnie Oscarson. Listen Here. She taught us that, "the spirit of Christmas is Christ like love".
     During my years from grade six to now my father has gone through many hardships with work. We didn't have much, but my sweet parents gave all. Looking back, it wasn't the money that was spent on me that I cherish. It was the small acts of kindness. I remember in eighth grade I had convinced my parents to let me have a New Years party. As I reflect now I can see we did not have the money for that. My parents did not say a word, but agreed.
     That Christmas we did not have much, if anything. I remember being so disappointed to see fireworks laying by my stocking. ( the fireworks that once filled our firework business walls ) As an adult I can see that my parents did not have anything to give, however they knew I had a party coming up and wanted to make sure I had adequate supplies. Shortly after, it was probably years, my father lost employment again. We had no idea how a Christmas was going to take place in our home. My parents were struggling to pay bills, how were they going to provide for the children at home that looked so forward to this holiday?Through acts of Christ like love, an envelope containing funds to supply each child with something for Christmas was brought to our home.
     As I prepare to spend Christmas here without my sweet family, I have set quietly as memories play in my mind. Tears begin to fall, and my heart begins to break, as I again watch my parents struggle. I become frustrated as I watch the true meaning of Christmas dwindle. However, I am so grateful that I was taught at a very young age, that giving is what's most important. My parents exemplify what this holiday is all about. They often gave all, leaving nothing for themselves. My favorite Christmases by far aren't those we had packed stockings, but the years we had nothing. Are we taking the time to help those in need? Are we more interested in the getting, or the giving? I challenge you all to, " celebrate all that his birth symbolizes, especially his love." Serve those around you. Find time to give. Let us all take in the words of The Grinch, " Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more. "

Love always,
K

As the world becomes darker.

Oh what it a blessing it is to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The past couple of months I have spent a lot of my Sundays traveling. It was so refreshing to be able to attend all three hours of church. Lately, I have become sick seeing all the gunk that is happening throughout our world. The protests to remove Christ from Christmas, the attacks on the church, even attacks on religion period. I remember growing up and the amazing feeling that came along with Christmas. Though I will not lie, I could not wait to see what was under the tree. There was one thing far more important my parents taught me. It was the birth of our Savior. What a beautiful day. I can't even began to imagine what the world felt like that night. I envision it was a lot like the feelings and words that are described in Silent night. I urge all of us to include CHRIST in our Christmas this year, though there are many out there who are trying their hardest to cut him out. There was one thing that I learned while listening to Testimonies being born today and that was, " Truth is Truth". No matter how hard anyone tries stand firm, hold your ground. You know the TRUTH! You have felt it. Live like you believe. " Be an example of the Believers". I know without a shadow of a doubt that our Savior does live. This gospel is true. We are beyond blessed to have someone who loved us so much to atone for each of our sins. He is the truth. He is the way. Take time to reflect on what you know is true. Click Here



Love always,
K

One of those days.

This week has been extremely difficult. I have been the most home sick I have ever been, the kids have been hard, wedding planning has been so stressful and money definitely is non existent. While cleaning up and going through the normal daily routines, I was drawn to a drawer in my nightstand. I would open the drawer up, put something away or grab something else. Every time i've opened the drawer my eyes have been immediately drawn to my patriarchal blessing. I simply look at the white envelope and shut the drawer. Tonight however, I reached for it. Upon grabbing it and opening the envelope I couldn't help, but immediately be overcome with the spirit. The last couple years of my life have been nothing shy of a roller coaster ride. I have so many un answered questions and doubts. I know however that I am doing what I need to be doing. With various decisions I have made I have had a lot of input passed my way. I have dropped to my knees and prayed, and moved forward in a way I felt best for me. Many don't agree with different choices i've made. Whether it be moving out to Florida, school, work, getting married etc. As I set in my room with tears in my eyes so lost and so confused a line seemed to jump off the paper. "Remember, true joy and happiness will be yours as you submit your will to the will of your Father in heaven." I have often become so frustrated as answers haven't been flowing. I am here as a living example that as long as we leave it to our Father in heaven it WILL work out. I know for a fact that our Heavenly Father does answer prayers. Do not give up when things don't start changing. Just as I was promised, you too will find all the joy and happiness you desire, as you submit your will to the father. Often times we must go down the wrong road, to find the right one. Hang on. Keep driving. Don't let anyone discourage you. IT WILL WORK OUT.

Click Here

Love always,
K

He is the reason for the season.

Watch why I celebrate Christmas.

I urge you all to simplify Christmas this year. It has been amazing to watch how things have changed as I have centered my holidays around his birth. He is the reason for the season. December 25th is much more than toys under a tree. It is the day our savior was born. The most selfless person. The person who would give it all for us to enjoy what we have now. He gave a gift that cannot be bought. He gave a gift with no questions asked. He did not ask for a gift in return. What will we give back to him this year?

Which Way do You Face?

Which way do you face? 


With all the excitement that's happened in the last month I am a little behind on what's been going on. This conference was absolutely amazing. I was so impressed with this talk and it hit me so hard. Please take the time to read this talk and really ponder what's being taught. It defiantly changed me, and my prospective.

"When others demand approval in defiance of God’s commandments, may we always remember whose disciples we are, and which way we face." Elder Lynn G. Robbins

Christmas.

Can I just say how excited I am for Christmas!! The act of giving is so accelerating! I absolutely love seeing people's face on Christmas as they open their gifts. What I love the most though is the story behind this special day. How amazing. We are so blessed. Remember the true meaning as you go about your crazy Holiday routines. He lives.

Love always,
K

Listening to the Holy Ghost.

There have been a few times over the last couple months that I've felt prompted to contact old friends or write. These are things I feel like I do often, they aren't out of the ordinary. Today I have been able to see that it's my Father in Heaven. It is not just a random thought, but something he feels that I need to do. How blessed are we to continually receive guidance from our Father in Heaven. It is so important that we act when we hear the still small voice. Take time to avoid the noise of the world, and pray to him. Just as he sends us to answer others prayers, he will send them to answer ours.

Love always,
K

Day 10

Today I am thankful for kind words. Living across the country from Brody is so hard. The last week since i've been home has been extra hard. I've cried multiple times a day and just been in a slump. All because i'm missing him. Today I headed to Nordstrom with my cousin to get my make-up done. I wanted a change. I wanted to have them show me how to really do my make-up for the nights we go out and a look for my wedding. I needed a pick me up. After calling Brody crying about spending money he informed that he was okay with whatever I did. If it made me feel good he was happy. He let me know that I looked stunning with and without make-up I paused for a second and felt so blessed. How lucky am I to have a fiance that tells me i'm beautiful when i'm at my worst. I promise you today I was at my worse, ugly crying face and all. I didn't need make-up to make me feel beautiful, he truly makes me feel beautiful each and every day. It made me think about how those kind words made me feel. I have made it my new goal to share kind words with those around me, strangers or not.

Love always,

K

Love.

My blog isn't a means of destroying someones image. I'm not here to play the victim. This was a very hard time for the both of us. My goal is to help those who are struggling. I don't post unless I feel prompted. I do talk to B about what is being said. I am madly in love with B and I am beyond excited to start our lives together. This is a part of us. Most people do not get help and do not make it through. We are simply just sharing our story.

Love always,
K

So people have been asking.....

I've been asked multiple times how I forgave and how I was able to let go and love him again. The truth is, I NEVER stopped loving him. I was so hurt and felt so betrayed but, I did forgive him, because I loved him. I couldn't change him. I couldn't make him be who I wanted him to be. I could however, be who I needed to be. I could be an example and hope in turn he would want  what mattered the most. I continuously was pleading with my father in heaven to help him change.  To change his heart. I was going about it the wrong way. When I finally humbled myself and let go miracles happened. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. I am a living example that he does answer prayers. He is fully aware of our situation and when the time is right he will answer them in his own way. I have a very strong testimony of the atonement. People can change and do change. In the scriptures the lord tells us that.. " I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." We are not the deciders of who is worthy or not worthy and whether a person can or cannot chance. We are to love and be examples. Everyone deserves a change and everyone is in need of the light we poses. Don't give up on them, the savior never once gave up on us.

Love always,

K

One of those days.

With change comes difficulties, with change comes hard decisions. Life changing decisions, heart wrenching decisions.  Our story isn't like any others. Its not an ordinary story. It's a story with ups and downs. A story with heart break, frustrations and many tears. I have learned that no one is perfect. I have also learned that our loving Savior leaves it all up to us. No matter how hard it is he lets us make the decision. We are the deciders of how our lives will go. We decide the outcome of each situation. Satan comes from every direction. He attacks hard and he attacks fast. If there is anything I have learned it is to have your feet firmly planted. Do not waiver. Have guards and fight back twice as hard. This life isn't meant to be easy. Its a battle. We must be prepared for the fiery darts that are being thrown. Make the choice to fight, make the choice to get through the hard and enjoy the good. Our stories aren't meant to be the same, they aren't meant to be perfect.

Love always,
K

The Proposal.

I figured since its almost been a month I would finally share the mushy gushy details of our engagement. I will forewarn you that the day wasn't perfect and this post is going to be extra long. Also  if you are amazing at english, you probably won't want to read this. The hours leading up to the big moment were frustrating and I was so grumpy. The whole trip was full of white lies.

I flew out October 10th to surprise my family and friends. The night before Brod let me know that he would be working overtime and could not pick me up from the airport. I was so frustrated. We had specifically chosen this flight just so he could pick me up. I told him I was going to sit in the airport until he picked me up because I didn't want anyone else to. So I got on the plane and made my way to Utah. I finally landed and called him. He told me to hurry and give his mom a call to make sure she was there to pick me up, and call him after. I  gave her a call and was explaining where I was waiting when I got a tap on the shoulder. I turned around and there he was with balloons and an extra big smile on his face. ( white lie number 1)

After tears a huge hug and a lot of kisses we were on our way to surprise my family. I decided I would give my family a call just to see what my parents were doing (where my parents were, white lie number 2 ). I couldn't get a hold of anyone except my dad, who of course wasn't home. So we decided we would go surprise my sister K and baby K. Her reaction was priceless. She was in shock and let us know about ten times that she hated us ( she was just really excited and pregnant). We made a game plan of how we were going to surprise my parents and went on with our day. We went Brod's house and his mom wasn't home. Usually we go through the garage or something but, for some weird reason we had to wait in the backyard. ( white lie number 3) We visited for awhile and made a plan for what we would do that night. We decided we were going to watch a movie up in the mountains. His parents were very adamant about us taking the DVD player right than because they weren't going to be home later that evening. ( white lie number 4) We grabbed the DVD player, went for a hayride, picked pumpkins, surprised my parents and enjoyed Cafe Rio. It was the most perfect way to start my stay in Utah.

The day of the propsal started out perfect. Brody came and picked me up and we went out for my favorite breakfast, french toast from Kneaders. It was so yummy! We than headed to Ross and a couple other places. Brody informed that he was dropping me off and I needed to get ready for pictures. ( we had planned to have someone just take some fun pictures of us while I was there ) Well a couple hours passed by and still no Brody. I texted him and asked where he was and he said he was going to find his white shirt. ( white lie 5) I started to lose patience. He than informed that the photographer needed to move the picture time ( about five times ). I finally told him this was becoming to stressful and I would rather not do pictures and just hang out. That didn't fly with him. I decided to just set my phone aside when I heard a knock at the door. It was his mom. She informed that her mom was having car trouble and Brod and his dad needed to go help her. ( white lie 6 ) So we  all hopped in her car and headed to Brigham for pictures where Brod would meet up with us.

We pulled up to where we were going to take pictures and I only saw Brody's car. I was confused. I asked if the photographer was even there yet. His mom told us she knew where we needed to go and the photographer would just meet us there. We started to walk down towards the spot when I noticed mason jars with candles. I was so clueless. I just thought hmm thats weird. I turned the corner. Noticed a huge sign that said, " Our happily ever after starts here". I then glanced up to see Brody walking across the stream to meet me. With tears in my eyes I turned around to my mom and future mom. I was able to get the words out you knew as the tears started falling faster. My prince charming grabbed my hand walked me across the stream down into this meadow. The following moments after were perfect. We were in the mountains, by a stream it was surreal. There were mason jars and candles in the trees, a picture timeline, a cute table with chalk board sayings and the love of my life right in front of me. He read me the sweetest letter, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. After struggling to get my promise ring off and the real thing on, he turned me around to introduce me to the photograper. HIS SISTER!! She had flown in from Arizona to capture our perfect day. Within the next little while my whole family came walking down, along with his. It was so perfect.

I am extremly blessed and beyond excited to start my happily ever after with the man of my dreams, April 25th, 2015.

Love always,
K

Highlights of the Week:

• Brody was tickling me, I went to get away and slammed my head against the wall.
• Brody tried to tickle me again while walking out my front door and he dropped me, and than shut the door on my ankle.
• Brody tried to tickle me for the third time and when I went to duck down he went to stand up causing me to bite my tongue.
• Sunday after the engagement we headed to Ogden for a baby blessing when a piece of wood flew up and nailed Brody's car. 

The week was so perfect and every little white lie made things that much better. It was a week of wonderful surprises.

Happy Year of Dating :)

Alright prepare for the sappy post. And the sappy posts that will follow after this. 

Exactly one year ago I got in my car and drove to go hang out with a boy. I pulled up to where he was and waited. The moment that door opened my whole world changed. It was that night I chose to take a risk. In that moment, and for days after, no matter what happened it was pure bliss, love and happiness. Crazy to think that a little white tracker changed my life, my world. In six months i'm marrying that boy. He has made my life so much better. No matter what i'm feeling the second he wraps his arms around me i'm calm. Brody I love you. Our story is not like any others. It has had major bumps, but those are what have brought us so close. I can't wait to be with you forever.

Love always,
K

Long story short!

The rumors are true. IM ENGAGED!! I will write the story as soon as I get back to Florida. Right now I'm enjoying listening to Brody sleep talk. How cute is he :)

Love always,

K

Fresh Starts.

The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs. I have been at my highest and I have been at my lowest. Today I just feel like me. I feel happy and ready to take on the week. I am so grateful for fresh starts and new beginnings. I am grateful for a savior who died for us, allowing each one of us to utilize the atonement. A chance to start over. I am grateful for prayer. I know the power that comes as we take the opportunity to talk to our savior each day. I am grateful for B most importantly, and his desire to change. I am blessed.

Loves always,

K

Miracles.

I have pleaded. I have fought. I have shed so many tears. I am beyond grateful today for miracles. Just when I decided to give up, I dropped to my knees and told my father in heaven I couldn't do it. I turned it completely over to him and asked him to help. It didn't happen quickly, but it happened. My savior took over and many prayers were answered. I know things are going to be hard, I'll have to be strong and our savior will always come first. I have a very real testimony of the atonement. As we cleave to him we will see miracles. I have watched this in the life of family members, someone I love so much, and also in my own life. No one is to far. Have faith and keep going. Miracles truly will happen.

Love always,

K

Growing.

There comes a point in each of our lives where pain becomes necessary in order to grow. We are stretched past what we feel we can handle. We are tried, tested and often left feeling lost and alone. I promise that though the storms may feel as if they'll never stop; as we cleave to our faith and what we know, we will see a break in the storm. Keep moving forward.

Love always,

K

Burdens.

             The last few days have been full of ups and downs. I have really struggled, and for the first time since I decided to leave Utah, cried myself to sleep (multiple times). I have felt so alone, and so helpless. I didn't feel like doing anything, but forced myself to go to family activities. Finally, saturday night I got down on my knees and asked for help. I asked for my father in heaven to direct me to friends that might be a source of light during this difficult time. I woke up Sunday feeling normal. I did the usual pre-church stuff; showered, ate breakfast and headed to church. I set by myself and was immediately surrounded by friends, and this seemed to be the case the rest of the day. People were coming up and introducing themselves ( even though I had come the week before ) and instant connections were made. In Relief Society a scripture was read:

" And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord," Mosiah 24:15. 

            My eyes began to water and tears began to fall. My Father in Heaven was aware of me, he knew the pain I was feeling, and he was answering my prayers. Heavenly Father will not take away my trials, he won't find employment for my parents, take away addictions from those I love or heal my broken heart. I know however that he will make my burdens light. I am beyond grateful for this gospel. I am grateful for a loving Savior who loves and cares for me so much.
            I stumble and seem to have to restart over and over again, but I know because of his atoning sacrifice I can find comfort and I will live with him again. I have learned that we need to be grateful for our trials, because of them we grow. I am grateful for my trials. They are what led me to this new adventure. Everyday I am able to see and be reassured that this is where I am suppose to be. The gospel is true, the savior lives and loves us. If we take time to step away from this crazy world, listen and reflect we will see his hand in our lives. Turn to him. The answer to my prayer was not completely obvious. I didn't think anything of it when various people were introducing themselves to me. However, as Mosiah 24:15 was read and I allowed the spirit to teach me, I knew without a doubt that these people were sent into my life to ease my burdens. I truly live in paradise. This is where i'm meant to be.

Love always,

K

Moving forward.

The atonement is amazing. It is something those who are hurting can use for peace and comfort. Can you imagine a life without constant awareness of our saviors love? He atoned for each one of us, he atoned for our sins, but also our heartache. He lives. He is the true source of peace and happiness. Turn to him and allow him to take over. It's a start of a new week, a time to reflect. A time to move forward, and that's what I plan on doing,. Whatever is holding you back, give it to him. Whether it be sin or heartache, fall to your knees and allow him to  help you. The atonement gives us the opprutuibity to not have to do this alone. I know our savior lives. The atonement is an amazing gift. It is an opprutuibity to start fresh and move forward. Trust him. Have faith. Hang on.

Love always,

K

Try me!

This life seems to be full of surprises. Just as soon as something seems to be going right we are tried and tested. I will never understand why we are allowed to love someone so deeply, to just as quickly watch them walk away. We are often left with so many unanswered questions. We are hurt. We break. We fall. " when life puts you in tough situations, don't say why me, just say try me." I took a risk allowing the past to come in to the present. I put my heart on the line. Things we great. Wounds healing. Just as fast as it began to go up, it quickly came down. This life is a test. A test where answers will not be given. It is up to us and how we handle our test that will determine our score, or our destiny so to speak. I am so confused and my heart aches. There is a reason I came out to paradise, a reason that it feels like home. I am determined to find it. I will not let this test define me.

Love always,

K

Becoming home.

For those of you who know me, know that I am a home body. I was born and raised in Utah. 22 almost 23 years of my life were spent in the same home, same city. Never in a million years did I ever think I could call anywhere else home. Each day I am falling more in love with this beautiful city. Today as I got my butt kicked at the Y, jammed to kids bop with the fam, watched C get on the bus and laid on my bed Pinteresting with L, I realized this is home. Today I was completely happy. Can't believe I'm here. I'm in paradise :)

Love always,

K

Goodbye mommy!

Well it finally came. I took my mom to the airport this morning. It was so hard to see her go. I was able to stay strong, and didn't cry. I know this is where I need to be. I aboalutely love it here. I've had some amazing experiences and can't wait to see where this year takes me. Time to hit the farmers market and swim swim swim! Happy Saturday everyone :)

Love always,

K

My first Monday :)

Everyday this place becomes more beautiful. This morning I spent the day watching Charlie swim at the YMCA and a trip to JAX beach. Char taught me to boogie board and I was in heaven. The lightening and rain cut our beach day short, but it was a blast. We ate at the best biscuit place ever, ( I'm addicted), and walked the boardwalk. I am in love with this area. Now time to relax before dinner and more beach. I drove in pouring rain, got to the YMCA and learned all about sky landers. Thank goodness for adventures in paradise.

Love a always,

K

Ps I promise pictures are coming. When I get time to upload them :) miss you all!!

I'm here!

Lush, hot, humid, surreal. I'm in paradise!!!!

Love always,

K

Scared out of my mind.

Well guys I made it to Alabama. I'm freaking out. Which is probably an understatement. Its finally hitting me. I drove through some of the scariest places. Wow culture shock. I am so grateful for where I've grown up. I'm grateful for the gospel. I didn't realize how l lucky I was to have access to so many temples and meeting houses. I sure miss seeing all those steeples and the temples on the mountains. Great things never come from comfort zones. No turning back now. Almost there. Miss you all :)

Love always,

K

Adapting.

So you gotta start your morning with a smile.
The room I'm staying in only has a lamp for light... So this morning my cousin was in the shower and we are trying to get out of here... I turned the flash light on, on my phone pulled out my iPad camera and straightened my hair. Yep that's right I used an iPad as a mirror and flashlight so I could see. Yay :)

Love always,

K

Day 1

Well folks I made it to Colorado! I'm posting from my phone so expect a picture overload when I find internet. Miss all of you. This is the hardest thing :(

Love always,

K

Adventure is out there!

Well folks it's here. Wish me luck :) I'll be posting from Denver tomorrow. Crazy right?

Love always,
K

Goodbyes.

Wow it's late. I figure the next few weeks will be sleepless nights. The only word that comes to mind is grateful. I am grateful for my savior and his atonement. I am grateful for amazing friends and family. I am grateful for change. I attempted to say my hardest goodbye, wow.. Four hours later and I just couldn't do it.. Wish me luck tomorrow night, when the only option I have is to leave. I am so scared, anxious and nervous. After much discussing I know that this is what needs to happen in order for things to move forward. Thank you for loving and supporting me. Change is good... Right?

The Hope of God's Light

Today satan did everything in his power to keep me from church. I had been asked to give a prayer in sacrament, and had decided that I would bare my testimony, because it was my last week. I woke up sick. I could barely get out of bed. I began to come up with a million reasons why I couldn't go to church. I finally started feeling better, when my anxiety set in. I was in tears. I planned what I was going to say to the member of the bishopric about not coming. I set there quietly for a moment, and jumped up. I was not going to let satan win. There was a reason I needed to be at church, and satan did not want me to hear what was intended for me. I got ready, got in my car and headed to church. The moment I walked into the building I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace. I did not feel sick, and my anxiety almost immediately left. Every testimony that was shared applied to me, and my situation. I met with my sweet bishop for the last time, and watched a miracle happen as he prayed. My father in heaven knew me. He loved me. He was providing me with strength. My prayers were being answered. It wasn't a clear "KENZIE DO THIS" answer, it was an answer I heard because I had faith, and had turned it all to my savior. The video above was shown to us during relief society. How fitting, humbling and amazing. I would like to add my testimony to that of Todd's from the video. The savior is there ALWAYS. We need to leave the darkness, and allow him to fill our rooms with light. He loves us. Trust him. Turn to him. When you begin to love yourself and let God love you, your life will change. We each have a purpose. We are here to be beacons of light for those around us. Remember why you are here.. Why fight so hard against something you once fought so hard for?

God needs us on his side TODAY!

Love always,

K

The Temple.

I had the opportunity to go to the Ogden Temple today. What an amazing experience. The beauty of the temple is indescribable. It is a constant reminder that, no matter how wicked the world becomes there will ALWAYS be somewhere we can go to escape it. The peace and love you feel inside is amazing. You are literally in a place where spirits, and our father in heaven dwell. How lucky are we to live in a day and age where temples are dotting the earth. I urge all of you to take time to attend the temple. If you are anything like me, you will come up with a million reasons you can't go. GO! For the hour I was there I forgot about everything. The anxiety and heartache I have been feeling for so long left. For that hour I was completely at peace. I knew I was worth something and I knew my father in heaven loved me. The temple is our heaven on earth. Why wouldn't you want to be there?

Love always,

K

I may not be there yet...

What a wild ride the last few months have been. I can't believe that Wednesday is the big day. Words, actions and agency have rocked me to the core. I have made my share of mistakes. Mistakes and words that hurt someone I loved. I have learned the only thing you can do is to do your best, and be your best each day. I definitely regret a lot that I've said, or done but it's all part of a learning progress. Choose your words wisely and love your choices. I am constantly thinking about all that I could have done differently, but I get to live with the choices. I am the decider of whether I learn and grow, or beat myself up.

Remember your heavenly loves and knows you. No matter how hard life gets he is always there. He is the one person who will be there no matter what choices we make. He truly is the only perfect person. Love all those around you despite their short comings and forgive quickly.

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

Love always,

K

Prayer

I have a simple but very strong testimony of the power of prayer. Prayer is my life line. It is the one thing that brings me instant peace and comfort. Though often my questions aren't answered, or the answer is not what I'd hope, my savior does not leave me comfortless. This journey started with a simple answer to a prayer. The moment my "life plan" changed I dropped to my knees and my savior took over. It was amazing to watch all the tender mercies unfold after turning it over to Christ. My prayers aren't always answered, but the connection I feel to my father in heaven is enough. Many have said how strong I am, and that there is no way they could do it. I beg to differ, anything can be done if you choose to humble yourself and trust in The Lord. I cannot take the credit for how I have handled it all, the credit belongs to my savior. There have been multiple times I have been so angry with my father in heaven, just wanting answers, and for it to be taken away. The moment I let my faith take over my outlook changed. I encourage all of  you to fight your battles on your knees. You will always win. He will not leave you comfortless.

Love always,

K

The Tracker.

Do you ever have those days where the tears just keep falling? Granted, they are for the most part happy tears. Those days where memories play over and over in your mind. In that instant you'd give anything to just go back to that one day. Just that one moment. Tonight that's where I am.

Nine months and nine days is the day i'd choose to go back to. It was about this time I was sitting outside of this car. The moment that door opened my whole world changed. It was that night I chose to take a risk. In that moment, and for days after, no matter what happened it was pure bliss, love and happiness. Crazy to think that this little white tracker changed my life, my world. If I could re-live that night over and over again I would.

It's time for me to move forward. In one week I will be on my way to start my new adventure. I am grateful each and every day for moment the door of the tracker opened. No matter how things are, or how they will be, I wouldn't trade that moment for anything in the world. 

Loved you then

love you still

always have

always will!

Always and Forever,

K

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day.

Today I am grateful for that small glimmer of sun you get in between storms. I am grateful for the hope you are given in that instant. There are going to be hard days. There will be days that you just feel happy, days where for a split second your storm stops. Those sunny days have given me the will power and strength to keep moving forward. I am blessed with an absolutely incredible family and circle of friends. I owe my sunny days to you and my loving savior :)

Love always,

K

Just for me.

Have you ever set in your church meetings in awe. Not only is the spirit un real but, the speakers are talking just to you. Today I was so humbled. Lately I have been so angry. I've wanted to yell and throw in the towel. I am attending all my meetings, praying, reading my scriptures and attending the temple but, things seem to be standing still.... Today the question was asked, " Do you have the faith to not be healed?" We all know our savior will not leave us, he has atoned for everything we are to go through. He is waiting with forgiveness and his arms wide open. Do we have the courage and strength to follow him when the answer might not be what we want or may never come? I have a strong testimony of our savior. He knows what we can handle. He will not let us endure these trials alone. However, this is HIS plan. This life is a test. These trials are placed in front of us to strengthen us. Questions will be answered and trials will be given according to what we need to learn. Trust him, he truly is the only way we can get through this. Leave the what ifs.. Heavenly Father has the answers. Have faith, plant your feet and hold your ground as you are tested, tried and tempted. He will NOT leave us comfortless.

Good days and Bad days.

There comes a point during a trial where you feel so strong and ready to take on the world. You quietly shout hurray I did it, and are beyond grateful to be where you are. Hate to rain on your parade but, those days don't always last. However, we determine the outcome of each day. Fall to your knees, wipe your tears and no matter how hard it is, put a smile on your face. Fight every battle on your knees! Easier said then done, I know.. Getting out of bed is the very last thing I want to do each morning but, I can promise that it is so worth it.

" For every minute you are ANGRY
you lose 60 seconds
of HAPPINESS"

Be you. Be happy. Watch how beautiful the world becomes.

Love always,

K

Broken roads.

It never ceases to amaze me how different things are when you take one step back. In April I went on my dream vacation. Our vacation started in Boston, where we stayed with my favorite cousin and his sweet family. No big deal, right? Wrong. Heavenly Father for saw so much more. He prepared me for the heart wrenching news I'd receive, and the day my world crumbled. People were placed in my life and relationships were formed so I could make it through what feels like hell. What I would give to stay here and be with my family and friends.. I have come to realize this is not where I am suppose to be. I can't save him, and I am loosing myself.  My broken road is what lead me to paradise, a fresh start, a new beginning and most importantly an opportunity to heal.

Love always,

K

Our storm.

"Sometimes God calms the storm...

sometimes He lets 

the storm rage and 

calms His child."

What a beautiful outlook. Our circumstance may never change, may never get easy but, our savior will always be there to comfort us. If there is one thing I have learned over the last view months it is that our Savior lives. He is completely aware of where we are, our pain and the amount we can take. I have completely broken down and have been discouraged. I have felt so alone and worthless, but as I have fallen to my knees I have felt an overwhelming feeling of peace. Each day comes with a new pain, a new challenge. We have the opportunity to start over each and every day. Do your best and be you. Your savior will make up the rest. He always comes through.

Love always,
K

Happiness is a Choice,

As I get ready to embark on my adventure in paradise I am humbly reminded of the circumstances that have led to this decision. By no means was this an easy task but, it is one I have made after much prayer and fasting. I am no where near where I want to be. My world has been changed by agency but, today right now I have made a choice, a choice to be happy.